Sep 30

Sep 30 Letters on Social Media #9

A middle-aged man outside an office building looks at his phone in concern.

About that last message I sent.

Obviously it wasn’t meant for this group chat. Or any group chat, I’d like to add. Presumably you all realise it was meant for a special individual and I hope we can all have a virtual handshake and agree to never mention it again. Regards x

A young woman looks at her phone in a mixture of upset and disgust.

Hola!

I’m no social media guru, but people have been asking for some InstaTips, so I thought I’d share this advice since it’s a major bugbear of mine haha. You see how I’ve posted multiple pics here and you can scroll through them? Anyone can do that! It’s not just limited to verified accounts or businesses or whoever. Nice, right?! You can add up to ten pics in one post, and that’s 1000000 times better than posting ten pictures of pretty much the same thing separately ALL OF WHICH COME UP IN MY FEED AND AT THE SAME TIME SO THAT I’M SCROLLING THROUGH YOUR INDIVIDUAL PICTURES FOR AGES BEFORE I GET TO SOMETHING I ACTUALLY WANT TO SEE. Haha! Let me know if this resonates with you and just ask below if you have any other Insta questions!

A young man in an outdoor cafe seating area with his tablet and coffee cup in front of him. He looks pensive.

Carl,

let me know what you think of my latest strategy: I’ve identified a list of all mine and Lara’s mutuals, in order of how close they are to her, and I’ve underlined the ones who I do interact with somewhat on Facebook et al. I’m going to start interacting with them more, in a subtle way, along with posting more on my own feeds. It’s a win-win situation: either the content (which she won’t be able to miss without blocking me, and I highly doubt she’ll do that) will remind her of what she liked and found attractive about me, or it won’t and I’ll have strengthened some friendships with nice people. It seems like a healthy way to progress, I think, but I’m interested in your take. Ted

A young woman looks at her phone in anger.

I don’t know about you,

but I really love it when “friends” look at your tweets and then go tittle-tattling to the person who blocked YOU in the first place. Remember: if they’re bitching TO you, they’re bitching ABOUT you to someone else. YES, THIS IS A SUBTWEET.

A woman leans forward on her sofa, looks]ing at her laptop screen in concern.

You guys!

I am soooo excited to tell you all about the next steps in buying our ideal villa on the Mediterranean! Keep those eyes peeled for an update landing in your mailbox soon! If you’re not subscribed, that’s your cue!

Unfortunately, I’ve also had to block some haters because of their horrible comments on my posts about the villa. NO ONE needs that kind of negativity in their lives. Yes, I’m aware that there’s a virus and yes, I know that it’s hit some people badly in a number of ways. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t go forward with my dreams and do this for my family. Apart from anything else, I’ll be helping the local Spanish economy because this house is going to need A LOT of work before it turns into the idyll on the Med that I’ve always dreamed of!

Thanks to those of you who’ve been so understanding and supportive during this stressful time. I know you realise I’m not trying to pretend that people aren’t less fortunate than me right now, but that I’m just following my one true path, which is all any one of us can do. I love you all, truly.

More in the update, my cherubs!

Xoxo

Letters on Social Media is a humorous series of fictional letters that aims to explore some of the ways our fragile human minds are ill-equipped to cope with the world of digital communication.

Plans are afoot to turn Letters on Social Media into a micro-podcast. If you would like to record yourself reading one of the letters, I’d be delighted. Just get in touch via the Contact page or via my social media, and I’ll let you know which letters are available.