Jul 27

Jul 27 Letters on Social Media #7

A young woman in a hijab looks wearily into the middle distance, a tablet in her hand.

DAD!!!

I’ve told you before!!! PLEASE don’t make it obvious that I’m living at home when you comment on my Instagram account!!! I’m on my way back now for dinner to talk about this more, but I’m seriously SO UPSET. I deleted your comment but it had been there for OVER THREE MINUTES so who knows how many people will have seen it?!! Even if it’s only 1% of my followers that’s still 420 people!! I know you’re trying to be supportive, but no one is going to sponsor me or send me free stuff if they know I’m five years older than I say and that I’m still in my childhood bedroom, so IT’S REALLY NOT HELPING!!! :( Love you xxx

A young man in a vest claws his way across the carpet towards his mobile phone, pain written on his face.

Mum, can you come round and help me?

I’m flat on my back on my bedroom floor and can’t move.

I’m in agony.

I moved a load of furniture to set up an Instagram picture and I’ve done my back in trying to shift the chest of drawers back.

The spare key’s where it always is.

Please hurry.

A grey-haired white man sitting on a sofa covers his face with one hand; his other hand holds his phone.

Hi Fenella,

I know we’ve not got a business coaching session until Thursday, but I just wanted to write this all down ahead of time, though if you do have any spare sessions today or tomorrow I’d be more than happy to pay for an extra one.

It’s cat Twitter, depressing me massively once again. Mr Bobkins has lost another handful of followers, but that annoying Cleocatra account (I bet she’s not even called that) has gained more than 300 over the past week! It’s not that which is upsetting me so much as me not understanding why this is happening. Obviously I’m biased, but Mr Bobkins is so much cuter than Cleo, and it’s just patently clear from my videos how much personality he has compared to other cats with Twitter accounts, not just Cleocatra. I’ve had a look through some of her latest followers, and I really don’t think she’s bought them, but it’s also not like any of her posts have gone viral either, so where have these people come from? How have they discovered her?

I’m just sad that the lovely days when Mr Bobkins’ account was getting found by so many people seem to be over. Now I’m so stressed and self-conscious that I’m worried about posting anything in case it comes across as desperate or needy, but I can’t not post until after we’ve talked on Thursday.

If you can’t fit me in before then, do you have any quick advice for coping with cat jealousy?

Thanks so much for any wisdom you can offer,

Mike

A young Asian man looks thoughtfully into the distance, the fingers of one hand at his temples. In the foreground, his other hand holds his phone.

Need some advice, Si.

In a moment of sentimentality, I posted a picture of a sunset and I was going to delete it but it’s got over 80 likes in 30 minutes. Not sure what this means. Why do people follow me if that’s the sort of content they want? I’d never post stuff like that, so are they saying they wish I was different? What made me post it in the first place - do **I** wish I was different? Honestly, my instinct is to put up a whole series of ultra-dark images now and show everyone who I really am.

What do you think?

San x

A young woman holds her phone close to her face. Her expression is a mixture of tiredness, confusion and weariness.

Oh my God Sarah,

I’m SO SORRY for how I responded to you on Facebook earlier. I was on my phone and in a rush and I thought you were a different Sarah (even though your profile pics look totally different) so I replied in the completely wrong tone. That’s not meant to be an excuse - I’m absolutely 100% at fault here. When I realised, I was mortified (and still am) and I’ve deleted my comment but wanted to explain why. I really am so sorry. Pxx

Letters on Social Media is a series of fictional letters that aims to explore some of the ways our fragile human minds are ill-equipped to cope with the world of digital communication.

Plans are afoot to turn Letters on Social Media into a micro-podcast. If you would like to record yourself reading one of the letters, I’d be delighted. Just get in touch via the Contact page or on my social media, and I’ll let you know which letters are available.